The Bible: Light n d beginN. thN a lot of fussing, f’n & feuding untl som bloke sAz we shud luv EchuthR. He gitz killed & cumz bak. d nd.

War ‘n’ Peace: Boney puts d muvs on Ruza. Pe, Natasha & Andy pRT on untl dey realise how Cres Lyf iz. Boney gitz frozen out.

Ulysses: Leo hz breakfast & thN goes dwntwn 2 hang w Hs homies. cumz bak & stRtz macking w Molly.

In Search of Lost Time: Marcel Etz madeleine & rememebers how 2 remMbR 3 familes he knew.

The Naked Lunch: Lee bugs out n d interzone w lots of insect SX. interzone w lots of innsect SX. Lee bugs w lots of. out n d . out n d interzone. innsect SX. Lee bugs out. bug out. SX _

Hamlet: H’s dad gitz whacked. Hamlet sAz “2 b o not 2 be”, plAz a w a skull & thN goes apeshit. evry1 dies n d nd, thR plots foiled.

Lord of the Flies: Boyz crash on an island, w/o SMS. dey go wilding untl d RN rescues dem.

Day of the Triffids: DIS mega-weed springs ^ & evry1 gitz totally blnd, except 4 som ppl hu travel rownd d UK arguing w othRz bout how 2 stA str8.

Lord of the Rings: Sauron GIVz som plARz a ring & dey go bad. Fites ax d Middleearth az som peewees w furry feet hed 4 Sauron’s crib 2 dump Hs vidphone n a volcano.

Howard’s End: 2 familes connect Ovr ideas & fight Ovr property. thN som guy n a tail coat gitz killed by a bookcase.

The Magus: WTF wz dat aL bout?